Our Baby

I know everybody knows I was pregnant. I couldn't help telling everybody, everywhere, all the time. I'm sure though that there are many people who don't know I had a miscarriage, but that's not why I'm writing about it on my blog.
 I write every detail of every big and small thing that happens to me on my blog because I'm so worried that I'm not going to remember all of the happy moments in my life. So I take pictures and write about it because I don't want to forget a cute, funny thing my kids said, or a sweet thing my husband did, or a fun time I had with my friends and family.
I want to always remember everything, and since I don't have a picture to remember, this is the only way I can make sure to remember exactly how happy we were that I was pregnant and that we were going to have another baby.
I want to remember how excited I was when I found out I was pregnant in the Target bathroom stall because I couldn't wait to take the pregnancy test until I got home.
I want to remember how happy Robert was when I woke him up to tell him and how he couldn't go back to sleep because he was so excited, even though he'd just worked all night.
I want to remember how ecstatic the kids were when we told them.
Stanton smiled a lot and told us he was happy.
Winston kept patting my belly and saying "baby in there." He would get close and whisper to it, "hi baby" at random.
Noelle couldn't believe it. She kept asking over and over, "You really are?" and immediately started talking about names and sharing a room and how she knew it was a girl and asking how it got in there (I told her we kissed and said a prayer, not the best explanation) and how it was going to get out of me.
Then she told whoever walked by her in the hall at church the next day, "we're gonna have a baby in July" and Stanton even told his teacher at school. That's how I knew for sure that he was excited cause usually he's a man of few words.
I want to remember that for the next 12 weeks we talked about this baby every single day. The kids would ask every week, what new body parts the baby had gotten or how big it was..."What fruit is our baby this week?"
They called it our baby, and even though we never got to see it, we loved our baby. Even though it probably only made it to be the size of a blueberry, I am so thankful that I was pregnant with that little blueberry of a baby because for those 12 weeks I was extra happy, and that will not be forgotten.
I love being pregnant, and more than anything, I love being a mother!
I don't need to remember the details of being sad and disappointed but I do want to remember how close I have felt to Heavenly Father through my prayers and through so many kind words and deeds from loving friends and family. I know that He knows each of us.
I am beyond grateful for a loving husband and our 3 sweet kids and for the sure knowledge that families are forever. I have so many blessings in my life and so few trials, and I hope that is another thing that I never forget.